What makes a mother late?  As a compulsively punctual person, prior to children, I had no idea.  From my childhood, we were late because my mother needed to straighten every rug on her way out the door.  But “Clipboard Kerri” could never be late, right?

I’m trying to raise my children in a yell-free environment.  I don’t like myself when I yell (frankly, no one does).  But I don’t understand why I have to ask 27 times for SOMEONE to put their GD shoes on!  It’s almost like I have to lose my shit in order for anyone to hear me.  The first 27 times didn’t matter, but we’re at a point we need to have walked out the door five minutes ago to be on time for something and nobody has shoes on.

Or, by some miracle, everyone has shoes on.  And coats.  And we’ve solved the hat crisis of 2016.  I’m walking out the door, feeling pretty good about myself.  Maybe I didn’t lose my shit over all six pairs of shoes only having one shoe available of each pair.  We’re getting there, maybe we’ll make it on time if I speed a little.  Then……..one kid opens the car door on another kid’s head.  And, you’re sunk.

Just start a little early, you say.  I like it, I can get behind that.  I’ll allocate 20 minutes of “get your shoes on” time prior to departure.  I’ll start getting ready 15 minutes early so I can lay out all of their stuff so once the children are corralled into the right room, I just have to sit on the floor and re-gain their focus until they are ready.  Some days that gets you out the door on time.  Some days you think you are ahead, then someone realizes now is a good time for a poo (on the potty) or a pee (not on the potty).

Let’s say everything goes smoothly.  Nobody is fighting leaving the house to go to the super fun place I’ve set up (and paid in advance) for them to go to.  We have to make a specific start time, so I’m organized with shoes, coats, the “perfect” hat.  Everyone stays focused and we’re actually getting out the door early!  A small miracle, we’re leaving early!

WORST IDEA EVER!

Once I’ve gotten to our destination early, I discover why this is an utter fail.  There are two options, we can stay in the car, which will result in children insisting on getting out of their car seats and climbing all over the car.  Let them, you say.  First, bad idea because buttons get pressed and left on, resulting in car batteries dying.  I have a lot of experience with that.  Secondly, I will get kicked in the head at some point (always hoping its the back and not the front with the inevitable option of a black eye).

When you’ve had enough of trying to kill time in the car, you slowly walk up to your destination, still early, and find now you have to convince two excited children to sit quietly and wait.

Cat herders have an easier job.

I’ve learned and so should you.  Give families a buffer of time.  If “Clipboard Kerri” can be late, it can happen to anyone.