What If My Dog Was In A Facebook Mom Group?

If you are a mom and you have a facebook, you know you’ve dabbled in a facebook mom group. Does that fill you with sudden fear or anxiety? Perhaps you’ve dabbled and been burned?

I’ve joined quite a few mom facebook groups during this marathon called motherhood and have lived to talk about it.

This may be why –

I don’t use it in place of google. Google is always my first option
If I have a question that would require using the words, “don’t judge, but” you already know you shouldn’t be asking this question in this particular mom group. Either find another mom group, or use Google.
If I think another mom is doing something wrong, I remember, hey-I haven’t lived her path or walked in her shoes. She’s doing the best she can. The best I can do is to scroll on by.

Sometimes, though, I wish I’d go in there as my dog (yes, my dog has a facebook page) and drop famous movie quotes without fear of recrimination. Here are some of the comments my dog would leave:

My XXX appliance died on me. What XXX appliance should I replace it with?
- (Bleeping Dog’s facebook response) You want the truth? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
I need to lose weight – what’s your best way?
- (Bleeping Dog’s facebook response) Well, I don’t eat anything and when I feel like I’m about to faint I eat a cube of cheese. I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight
I’m really upset that my kid’s teacher/principle/coach did this
- (Bleeping Dog’s facebook response) They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our FREEDOM!!!
My kid drew all over my XXX with XXX. How do I get this off?
- (Bleeping Dog’s facebook response) Wax on. Wax off.
Every morning my kid is such a bear to get to school on time. What do you moms do?
- (Bleeping Dog’s facebook response) Gooooooooooooooooooooooood Mooooorning Vietnam!
You are all a bunch of bitches in this group. I can’t stand the sanctimonious bitching and judging. I’m leaving!
- (Bleeping Dog’s facebook response) Go ahead. Make my day.
Looking for dinner suggestions!
- (Bleeping Dog’s facebook response) I’m having an old friend for dinner.
Does anyone else know why this crazy dog keeps responding in our facebook mom group? ADMIN!
- (Bleeping Dog’s facebook response) I’m not bad. I’m just drawn that way.