It’s that silly song you sing when your baby has a boo boo, and needs comfort.

It’s that ridiculous hat you wear on your head (a diaper) just to make your little one laugh.

It’s acting out that Disney movie, for the 19th time today.

It’s the yoga pants/t-shirt mommy uniform that we put on everyday.

It’s the things we do for our kids, each hour, each day. For better or worse. Because they are our bleeping babies. And we are their bleeping mommies.

Sometimes you just want to remember what it’s like to put on jeans, and walk out the door without a kid in tow.

When you can’t tell which end is up and which end is down. When you are pulling your hair out because you can’t remember how to be an adult and can’t quite remember what it’s like to put on jeans, you can do the following:

1: Find a picture of jeans.

2: Close your eyes and say 3 times:

Jeans, jeans jelly beans.
Wonka bonka in my dreams.

3: Locate a pair of jeans.

4: Put them on.

5: Listen to your kids say “Where are you going, mommy?” and watch them panic as they start getting their shoes and coats on.

6: Take a deep breath, because you haven’t put jeans on in a while and they are snug and uncomfortable

7: Now smile, take a selfie picture of your ass in your mom jeans and send it to us at

sothishappened@bleepingmotherhood.com