If you’re gonna fart, don’t fart like an amateur. Be a Farting Pro.

If you’re a beginner, or are clueless about farting, start with this Fart Dictionary.  It helps you really understand and name some of your farts, like:

Apple fart: a fart that keeps the doctor away.

Boomerang fart: a fart that has somehow returned to haunt you.

Guardian angel fart: a fart that protects you from evildoers.

And for the fartists in the crowd, here’s an amazing book that can help you achieve all of your farting goals, Farts Around the World: A Spotter’s Guide