by Naomi

Tips to Encourage Your Child’s Independence (and keep your sanity)

The other morning I had an epiphany. I know that my children can do more for themselves and I want them to do more for themselves. It would actually be very helpful if they could do more for themselves. However, I seem to get suckered in and end up doing things for them.

I know that my children can do certain tasks for themselves so why am I still doing things for them?

I think it is partly because I can’t stand listening to the whining, and partly because it is just easier for me to do it. I recently had a conversation with a wise mom who said if her kids ask for her help, she asks if they can do it themselves. If the answer is yes, then she does not help them. It only makes sense.
My seven-year old son was sitting at the computer the other morning watching mindless videos as I was scurrying about helping everyone get ready for the day. He asked me to get him a bowl of cereal. I was just about to reach for the bowl, when I realized how ridiculous the situation was. I was frazzled because I was running around the kitchen doing things for family members who were completely competent and capable of doing these things for themselves. I created this tiny human who now has a sense of entitlement like a little prince who was demanding me to serve him his breakfast while he loafed around. So I stopped. I put the bowl back in the cupboard and I said,

“I’m not getting it!”

He grumbled something without taking his eyes off the computer and I repeated myself (because it felt empowering and I am not sure he took me seriously the first time),

“I’m not getting it!”
“You can do it!”

Once he realized I was serious, he went to the cupboard and got a bowl and then poured his cereal and milk for himself. Voila.
Now, I was getting it! This is how you encourage children’s independence. You stop doing things for them. It wasn’t until I finally said, “I’m not getting it!” that I was truly “getting it”. Are you getting it? (wink)
Stop doing things for your children that they can do themselves.
Teach them how to do things a couple of times and then expect them to do it themselves once they have mastered the task.
Don’t get “suckered in” by their whining and complaining and begging. If they can do it, let them do it themselves. Be consistent and don’t give in.

Have older children help younger siblings.
Enjoy your new-found freedom to do the things that YOU need to do.