Why Vote Mikey, The Three Year Old, For POTUS?

You won’t find any Trickle Down Economics here, but you will find some trickle down his leg…because he had a little too much apple juice during lunch today. But don’t let that stop you from giving him your vote. Many of the world’s greatest leaders and motivators enjoy apple juice and peeing. People must pee. It’s not only the law, it’s science.

The Right Vote

He just turned three. So he appeals to the young community as well as the old. Most toddlers can relate to him, and the elderly want to be him. So you see, he’s not only the right choice, he’s our only choice.

His knowledge and vocabulary has expanded vastly over the last 6 months. Only half a year ago, he was saying 2 or 3 word sentences and words like “mine” or “no”. Now, his expansive library of words can now motivate and impress even the most hardest to please dictators and commies, like, “I went poopy in the toilet like a big boy”, or his new favorite, now trademarked in 8 countries around the world “Mommy, I’m tired, I want to go night night”. Have you ever heard such humbling words coming from a three year old?

Listen, we could tinker back and forth on why a 3 year old (or the current Republican and Democratic Presidential nominees) shouldn’t be President of the United States Of America, but if you need more convincing, just watch this video of little Mikey’s sister, (his pick for Vice President), reciting the Pledge Of Allegiance.

Vote Mikey, Here’s Why

At this time, I would like to give you a brief recap of a transcript from a recent interview Mikey The 3 Year Old had with a high profile news anchor who wishes to remain nameless:

We hope that Mikey’s views on these important matters will help validate Millenials in our modern society.

News Anchor: Play Doh. Thoughts?
Mikey: It’s non toxic. It should not be frowned upon if you eat a lil’. I am not in favor of eating Play Doh in Russia.

News Anchor: You were seen by and have had several female toddlers stepping forward, claiming you peed down your leg in their presence. Do you deny this?
Mikey: I did this one time people. I’m not proud of it. Once when I had a little bit too much apple juice at lunch. Can we please move on to more important issues?

News Anchor: You have stated and I quote “I don’t cry, crying is for the weak.” But you were seen crying at the end of Toy Story 3. Are you liar?
Mikey: Dude, everyone has cried at the end of Toy Story 3. If you didn’t then you have no heart and you don’t belong in ‘Merica.

News Anchor: The media and other sources claims that DiaperLeaks has been set up specifically to sabotage the election. How do you respond?
Mikey: I wear diapers and I poop in my pants. I don’t know anything about this.

News Anchor: You have not yet admitted that you knowingly deleted over 30,000 of your mommy’s personal emails. Then you laughed about it and ran in the other room and watched an episode of Sesame Street, like nothing happened. Are you ready to answer to the American people?
Mikey: I think it was Abe Lincoln who said, “You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.”