Father’s Day is fast approaching and I’d like us all to consider it from a different angle.  Let’s talk about why Father’s Day should be about dads playing golf, taking naps and watching baseball.  Essentially avoiding children.  You know, the same children that made them dads and ultimately gave them the reason to have this day. It seems to me like we’re missing the point.

Shouldn’t Father’s Day be a demonstration of what makes you the best dad?  I think this could be great and some corporate sponsors are going to want to be involved.  Here’s what I think we should do.

A Father’s Day Festival

Let’s all bring our husbands/partners/recent booty calls to this “Father’s Day Event”.  There, the dads will have to prove their worth.  There will be a number of tests they’ll have to complete to show THEY have what it takes to be a dad.

Entry level – Survive the tap test

They have to sit in a chair and have a machine poke them in the forehead.  Not too hard to leave a bruise, not too light to still be annoying.  If they can survive ten minutes of tapping on the forehead they can move on.  If they can’t – hell, give up now.  My kids would eat those dads for breakfast.

Level two – Catch test

Five children mannequins are perched precariously around a playground.  The only thing that prevents them from crashing to the ground is a string held by the facilitator on the other side.  The dads have to stand ready to catch the children mannequins whenever the facilitator lets go of the string.  The thing is, they never know when one will be let go.  If they successfully rescue three children, they move on.  If three fall to the ground, see ya later Daddio!

Level three – Food

We’ve tested their patience.  We’ve tested their prowess.  Now can they feed the kids?  They have to manage the kid food station at the festival until they get 10 kids to give them a thumbs up.  This is no ordinary kid food station.  The kids are tired, hungry and have no problem vocalizing it.  These dads manage the grill, the peanut butter knife, the ice cream scooper and the popcorn and cotton candy machines and make these kids happy!  Dads that get five thumbs down get the boot!

Level four – Dressing

A cat, a diaper, shorts and a t-shirt.  I think that’s all that needs to be said.

Winner Circle

Congratulations dads, you’ve made it.  You’ve gone through and shown that you are worthy of the “Father” title, this year.  Feel free to send your kids off to the food table to be served by other hapless fathers.  Ask them to bring you back some food, because that’s your lunch too.

What do think?  Can we start a revolution?  If we all work together, we can take back Father’s Day, errrr, I mean, show those Dads what it means to be a father.

And no, this isn’t because my Mother’s Day sucked.  Ok, maybe a little.

Will you join in our Father’s Day revolution?  Comment below or continue the conversation on the Bleeping Motherhood Facebook page.