This week, Bleeping Motherhood is exploring the subject of kleptomania.

Kids will inevitably get curious and either think about thievery, or actually act on it. And when they do, we’ll be there.

Maybe a little embarrassed. Maybe a little mortified. Not necessarily because the kid just stole something…well that too, but because of the item that they stole and how it all went down.

Here’s Top 5 Embarrassing Things Your Child Stole:

5: You just returned from your son’s play date. You then find a, ehh, umm “sexual device” in your son’s backpack. Good luck with that one.

4: After spending 102 glorious years on earth, Aunt Gerdie passed away peacefully in her sleep. Then your child stole her cremation remains. And flushed them down the toilet.

3. On a quiet Sunday, you receive a phone call that your child stole a car. Awesome.

2: You’re leaving the electronics store and 12 copies of Showgirls falls out from under your child’s coat. “We were gonna pay for those.”

1: Your child stole your heart. Awww. That’s so cute, right? Actually, no. You’ve been on a donor list for a heart transplant for 6 months, the hospital found you a match, and your child stole it, and hid it somewhere, and now you’re probably going to die.