Brad from Cosmic Geppetto is back with us, reminding us of how funny kids can be.  It can’t just be him, right?

The kids survived their first few days of school.  They are doing well.  Better than me and Heather.

It is especially hard for Heather.  She is the first line of parenting defense.  The one who gets the calls and emails and makes sure the forms are filled and lunches are packed.

I do my best, but as I said before, I’m not as naturally inclined to parenting as Heather.  Watching her with the kids leaves no doubt she was put on this planet to add spectacular little people to it.

Watching me with the kids leaves no doubt they are going to learn the lyrics to AC/DC’s Back In Black way before it is appropriate.

So what do I bring to the table?  Well, I work hard at a job that pays enough that Heather has been a stay at home since the twins were born.  That counts for something, right?

I am also the enforcer.  The phrase “Wait until your father gets home” has been said many times to great effect.

Being the voice of reason also falls under my responsibilities.  When Heather is working too hard or worrying too much, I remind her they are wonderful kids with a mom who will do anything for them.  A mom who literally almost gave her life for them when they were born (It was scary.  She’s fine.  Thanks for asking.).

But lastly, I’m comedy relief.  Because having kids is hilarious.  And if I don’t point that out, Heather would miss it.

So here’s my comedy contribution to the parenting gig:

 Top 5 Things That Only Happen to Parents

5. Seven years ago, I held Chase in my arms while talking to an employee at Best Buy about which laptop best fit my needs.  My special little guy, who was two months old, sneezed.  I didn’t know he had a head cold until that moment.  The Best Buy employee recoiled in horror.  I looked at myself and with a resigned sigh said, “I look like Bill Murray in Ghostbusters after getting run over by Slimer.”  And I did.  I really, really did.

4. Three years ago, I noticed my daughter London kept running into the bathroom.  It wasn’t to use the potty.  Instead, she would get on top of the stepstool, look in the mirror, nod and leave.  She would repeat this activity every five minutes.  “How long has she been doing this?” I asked.  Heather replied it had been going on for a few days.  She wasn’t sure why.  “I believe she discovered she is beautiful.  This is going to cause problems.”  It has.

3. Chase has a special bond with his mom.  Heather goes to great lengths assuring me he’s still my buddy.  Possibly with her encouragement, Chase said to me, “I love you, Daddy.”  I think maybe I’m doing okay at parenthood.  I go to give him a hug.  That’s when he followed up with, “But I love Mommy more.”  

2. Chase and London are both shy.  The type of kids who hide behind Mom’s legs when someone walks up.  But Logan is a people person.  While spending time with my parents, he was in line at a convenience store when he pointed at a very, very large man wearing a sanitation department outfit and said, “I like that guy.”  The large man with an impossibly deep voice turned and asked, “What did he just say?”  Logan walked up, held his hand and said, “I like you.”  It was then Logan made a new friend who bought him the orange juice Grams and Pops were going to get him.

1. Finally, less than a week ago we dropped The Trio off for their first day of school.  Heather was inconsolable.  “I can’t believe it.  The twins are in Kindergarten.  They are all in school.”  A thoughtful husband would give his wife a shoulder to cry on.  Would tell her that though the kids are in school, our work as parents is far from done.  I am not that kind of husband.  “Well…they’re society’s problem now.”

Brad Mendenhall is the Host & Co-Founder of the Cosmic Geppetto Podcast, a Pop Culture Show talking Movies, Music, Book & Everything Else Cool.  Find out more at www.CosmicGeppetto.com.  He is the father of Chase, Logan & London.  His wife Heather once asked Brad what he thinks London will want to be when she grows up.  Brad showed her clips from the Jean-Claude Van Damme movie Kickboxer where JCVD fights with broken glass glued to the back of his hands.  “Yeah, it’s going to be that,” Brad said.