Part of being a mom is realizing that you may wear the same clothes for a few days in a row. Possibly even run out the door in a shirt you slept in. Daring moms may even consider going braless if the mood should strike her.

The mom uni has come a long way from the 1950’s and is now comprised of a few key elements. The MUAA (Mom Uniform Association of America) has standardized some of the uniform requirements to adhere to the changing times. You can find some of those guidelines below:

Top 5 Mom Uniform Essentials as Recommended by the MUAA (a fake thing we just made up)

5: Leggings

If you’re a mom and you’re not wearing leggings, like every day, you’re missing something. I have about 5 pair of black leggings myself and I can’t praise their existence enough.

4:  A Shirt You Slept In

You’re running bat shit crazy out the door in the morning and when you arrive to your destination, you realize you forgot to change your shirt. It happens. Every mom at one point is going to have that dirty, wrinkled shirt on. So don’t sweat it. Own it.

3: A Pair of Old Navy Flip Flops

Dang. If I didn’t still have pregnancy brain from after giving birth 4 years ago, I would have thought to buy stock in Old Navy flip flops long ago. It’s summertime and every mom I know is breaking out her pair of black flip flops from Old Navy. If you don’t have them yet, go get ‘em.

2: A Terrible Bra

After motherhood, moms get ugly utility bras. In terrible colors, like beige and nude. They’re unsexy and unflattering. She may have one, black push up that she takes out on rare occasions. But for the most part, the comfortable, hideous bra that was purchased post-birth of child #1 is the go-to as required by the MUAA.

1: Phone

A mom’s phone is the most crucial part of the mom uniform. If you see a mom, you see her phone. It’s one in the same. Our phones are critical for the most important things like receiving calls and also getting that selfie. If you see a mom without her phone, you should not only be extremely concerned for her, you should call 911. Immediately.

BONUS Uniform Essentials

Bonus #1: A Brown Banana

You haven’t eaten anything today. It’s 11:30 a.m. and you’re starving. You’re running out the door and grab a brown banana that’s been sitting on the counter for 2 weeks. Will you end up eating it? That’s between you and the banana.

Bonus #2: A Bottle of Water

You don’t drink enough water. And your pee is very yellow. You keep a bottle of water close by in hopes to drink more water. You go to take a sip and your kid runs over to you screaming, “I’m thirsty” and runs away like an asshole with your bottle of water. Need I say more?

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