Tooth Fairy.  Bah – who’s with me?  I am actually paying someone else so I can roll the dice on if I’m going to scare the shit out of my own kids about some imaginary creature creeping under their pillow while they sleep.  If I wanted to pay people to make my life more difficult, I’d sign up for the personal trainer my gym keeps calling me about.

Why have we confined this to teeth?  Why is there only a fairy for the teeth that are going to fall out and frequently get lost while chewing or random younger sibling wrestling matches?  Why isn’t there a fairy for toenail clippings?  Do you know how much easier it would be to cut those talons?  If we’re going to jump in with two-feet on this Tooth Fairy nonsense, let’s get those fairies working on some ways to make our lives easier!

Helpful Fairies

5 – Toenail Fairy: Even at seven, we need to nearly hold my son down to cut his toenails.  He claims its because he’s afraid of the completely safe toenail clipper in which he’s never, ever been hurt by.  I think its because he’s a bit ticklish.  None the less, if we told him he was going to get a nice shiny quarter for each collection of clippings, you better believe he’d be spreading those toes for us.

4 – Hair Fairy: For the first several years of my son’s lives, he HATED getting his hair cut.  Imagine there was this lovely fairy that came down and left him treats for his discarded hair?  Although this is a bit of a double-edged sword as my daughter has a tendency of dramatically cutting her own hair.  This would probably be exacerbated by the offer of money.  Use this one with caution.

3 – Homework Fairy: This one could be dangerous because you are paying them, or offering them treats for finishing their own responsibilities, but, hey, we’re GIVING THEM MONEY FOR THEIR TEETH.  It’s hard to argue much after that.

2 – Clean Room Fairy: Again with the paying them to take care of themselves, but maybe the Clean Room Fairy has a sticker system or something.  I don’t know.  But I’d be seriously willing to fork over some cash if my kids’ rooms were clean on a daily basis.

1 – Go To Bed Fairy:  The idea is that the fairy stops in at a specific time, and if they are asleep, will leave a treat and if they are not, they get no treat.  I envision way less trips to my room while they try to push off bedtime.  Who knows, maybe we could even push bedtime up a bit!

What kind of fairies would make your life easier?  Tell us!  Comment below.