Holiday shopping is freaking awesome. If you’re a PSYCHOpath. To cheer you up, here’s our

TOP 5 Ways To Make Holiday Shopping More Enjoyable

5: Wear a scary mask like the one from Scream, or possibly a bloody dagger coming out of the side of your head/mask. I think that would make holiday shopping quite fun. Just wear it in the stores though, not while driving.

4: Wear roller skates. You’ll get things done faster and you’ll probably knock into people and knock them over. But you can say simply say, “sorry, it’s the skates”. You can also chew Double Bubble bubblegum for added enjoyment.

3: Reward yourself with McDonalds fast food right after shopping. The food might reek havoc on your plumbing, but it’s damn good while it’s going down. Alternatively, you can do Taco Bell, if that’s your thing.

2: Carry around a goldfish in a clear bag, and grumble things like, “my goldfish is dying, I’ve got to get him home.” People will let you ahead of them in the lines because no one wants to be the guy that killed a goldfish. If you run into a douche, start yelling “this guy is a fish killer”. He’ll let you ahead of him. And give you 10 dollars for your troubles.

1: Do it from home! Dude. If you haven’t heard, there’s this thing called THE IN-TER-NET. It’s got all these cool features where you can GOO-GLE. And stuff will pop up on your SCREEEEEN. And you can buuuuy it. And it will show up on your dooooorstep in a few days. Pretty neato stuff. I highly recommend it. Where all my Amazon Primers at??!! Holler.