I’d like to think I’m not alone in the amount of things my children have destroyed?  And they are only four and six.  I’m a “yes” mom, when I can be, wanting to encourage my children to play and have fun because I think it helps push them to be more creative and exploratory of new ideas.  But, holy guacamole does it get messy.  Take it from me, even if you aren’t a “yes” mom –

Don’t buy these things when you have kids

5 – Furniture: Whatever you do, don’t buy new furniture.  We’re lucky to have a 20 year old couch in decent enough condition.  This couch has seen it all, from pee, poop, vomit, beer, wine, milk to peanut butter sandwiches rubbed across it.  It’s been a base for sheet forts.  It’s been a spring board for fights and gymnastic tricks.  I’m sure my young artist has written on it, but luckily its dark color has hidden it.  Based on the abuse this couch gets, the mere fact it is still standing, in whatever capacity, is a miracle.  The new furniture we’ve bought stays in rooms that children dare not go.  Under plastic, bubble wrap and guarded by secret ninjas that will force strawberries down their throats (because my children are the only children in the world that don’t like strawberries).

4 – Children’s clothing: The amazing and creative ways my children find to destroy their clothes astounds me.  With that in mind, I try not to ever buy them new clothes.  I’m largely successful with my daughter due to a clothing exchange that I have with a friend for girl clothes.  For my son though, I haven’t quite found another source for hand-me-downs, so I’ll never spend more than $5 on a piece of clothing.  I’ve been really successful with that, and whenever I find the right sale I’ll buy a size or two bigger.  Then of course during summer, naked is always an option.

3 – Curtains: I agree this does seem an odd one.  And, you can not trust me on this, but the amount of times I’ve had to say “get off the curtains” seems to rival with the amount of times I have to say, “shut the front door”.  While my husband is exceptionally handy in installing curtain rods in the most resilient fashion, the curtain rod’s surrender to my children is soon.

2 – Glasses/Plates: No, I don’t give my kids glass cups and ceramic plates to eat off of.  I might as well because they are still able to break the ones I don’t give them.  My kids seem to think breaking cups and plates that are mine is a new olympic sport in which they need considerable practice.  Sometimes it involves walking across tables, sometimes simply shimmying their body like a well-fed snake.  If they aren’t knocking mine over, they are crashing their own unbreakable plates and cups into the sink that contains, you guessed it, breakable plates and cups.  There’s no winning.

1 – Car: Don’t buy a new car.  Well, unless you only drive your children for two minutes at a time, without allowing them any food, toys or really anything.  If your children can sit in the car with nothing in their hands and not drive you insane, get a new car.  Oh, and they can’t wear shoes, because their shoes always end up dirty and if they aren’t rubbing dirt into the front seats (or the back of their seats if they are rear-facing) they are using their shoes to rip off the back pocket of the front seats.  Or kick you.  Or throwing them at you in the front seat.  Keep your old jalopy ticking until your kids stop destroying things.  I’m not anywhere close to that point, so I can’t give any guidance on when this phase ends.

Please share this don’t buy guide with any of your expecting friends.  Have any additions to this list?  We’d love to hear them on our facebook page – facebook.com/bleepingmotherhood or via email: sothishappened@bleepingmotherhood.com