This week on Bleeping Motherhood, we are diving into all the crazy stuff that we do as moms. Wiping asses is just part of the territory.
So here’s Top 5 Poops and Diaper Change Experiences That Moms Know All To Well:
5: The Blowout: And no, I don’t mean the luxurious, salon blow-dry service.

This is every parent’s dreaded diaper change. You have to make sure you have extra supplies handy. You have to make sure you have extra clothes ready to go, and you have to hope the kid isn’t a wiggle worm, because if you’re by yourself, that shit be gettin’ ev-er-y-where.

4: The Ghost: This is the shit where you smell something, and you are positive that a heaping pile of crap exists in your child’s diaper. You collect a fresh diaper and 6 or 7 wipes, undo the onesie, undo the diaper and….see nothing. Ghost Crap. A phenomena that I have yet to figure out.

3: Corn Crap: Corn craps are NOT my favorite. They sneak up on me when I least expect it. I usually forget that we even had corn for dinner until I open the diaper and see corn in the crap. Totally grosses me out. I have trouble eating corn because of the corn crap in the diaper visuals. You can’t un-see corn crap.

2: Raisin Crap: Like it’s ancestor Corn Crap, it too is disgusting. Even though my kid’s have cute baby tushes, I’m not going to applaud their poo just because it’s able to produce whole bits of food in it. No way. No how. I didn’t even realize my baby ate that many raisins today. Where did this come from? Amazing.

1: The Log: This is the proud moment when you know that your child is stepping up his shitting game. He is saying, “I am strong, and so are my feces. I will stand up to all my other baby shits and show them that I can now make full size, adult logs.” You know you have hit this stage when you open the diaper and get excited that’s it’s not that mushy shit anymore that gets all over the place, and it’s just a simple wipe and you can be done with it. Congratulations.