Have you heard of this concept called “Date Night”? Where you and your spouse get out of the house for “couple” time without kids? Sounds amazing, right?

Well there’s a fine line between having a great date night, and having it be a huge FAIL. So here’s

TOP 5 Things You Shouldn’t Do On Date Night

5: Don’t talk about farting. You are adults on an adult date. Even though you’ve been cleaning up toddler poopies all day and have had babies farting in your face, try your very hardest not to talk about flatulence.

4: Don’t get super wasted and rob a bank. There’s a million reasons why you should do this, but guys come on. Don’t do it on date night.

3: Don’t convince the couple at the table next to you that you are on a blind date and ask them what their recommendation is for best sleazy motel to have sexual intercourse. That’s amateur stuff. What you should do, is ask them to pay your bill.

2: Don’t bring your kids. Do you not understand the concept of date night? Under no circumstances should your children be tagging along with you on date night. Period.

1: Don’t talk about the Golden Girls episode where Rose is worried that she has contracted H.I.V. It kills the mood. Talk about the episode where Rose reveals that her father is Bob Hope. It’s uplifting, and if that doesn’t make you horny, I don’t know what will.

How do you do Date Night? Comment below or continue the conversation on the Bleeping Motherhood facebook page.