Real quick, can we just talk about things that are actually innocent but end up seeming EXTREMELY inappropriate –ESPECIALLY if we’re out in public?

You know what I mean, right? Your kid does or says something really awkward that in actuality is no big whip, but you know it’s inappropriate. Okay, so let’s take that moment, package it up, put a pretty lil’ bow on it and display that moment out in public! Now we’re talkin’.

Here’s 2 things my kids did today that fits perfectly into this category. Here we go:

#1: I was holding my little guy, standing in line at the grocery store, and out of nowhere, he dipped his face deep, down into my cleavage and delivered me a hearty, Vince Vaughn motorboat. What did I do?

I broke the cardinal rule.

I laughed.

What did he do? He was all, “now it’s a game. Game on, bitch. I’m in it to win it.”

I was motorboated for the remainder of my grocery experience. I really don’t know what the people around me were thinking. I’d like to think that they wished they could motorboat me as well.

BTW, if you’re unfamiliar with the term “motorboat”, you’re a fucking idiot. But just in case, this is what my son was doing inside my cleavage at the grocery store check out.

#2: I survived the grocery store-motorboat-breast exam and I’ve now entered the parking lot. My adorable daughter who always has nice things to say, spots a lady walking toward us. The woman had an interesting hairstyle that caught my attention and stood out to me. So I KNEW it was going to stand out to my daughter.

I watched my offspring as her gaze thickens in on this parking lot lady. She takes a good, long look. I’m holding my breath, crossing my fingers, and toes and squeezing my butt cheeks for good measure (plus I really had to use the bathroom). Phew, I think we’re in the clear. Just then, as we cross paths and come face to face with the lady, I see my daughter’s right arm slowly rise up, as if to point to a New York City skyscraper. “Look mommy, that big lady has really funny hair.” And of course when she said it, she had low, scary, slow motion voice. (Reference, like the Lady Giant from “Into The Woods”).

Oh, and by the way, the parking lot lady wasn’t even big. She was average height, wearing respectable high-heels. Cute ones, actually. Hey, parking lot lady, if you’re reading this, where did you get those shoes?

Sorry. So, after my kid points her out as something about to go on the endangered species list, what did I do? I just said, “Oh, yes very pretty hair.”

“Huh”, you say? Yeah, that’s all I could come with. I was just accosted by my son in front of strangers and I didn’t really have the time or energy to smooth anything else over. Parking lot lady didn’t seem to give a shit, so I got the kids and the groceries in the car and got the hell up out of there.

Both of these things my kids did today are innocent. Yes, it’s not terribly appropriate behavior. And yes, they did about 18 other questionable things today. But don’t worry. Over time, I will teach them the right way to behave in social situations. And that motorboat play is only on Tuesdays at our house, and pointing and laughing at strangers is for only when we see them trip and fall on the sidewalk.

Did your child do something inappropriate? Hell yeah, we know they did! Share this story and comment with your favorite “inappropriate moment”.

***BONUS! You MUST watch this quick video of 13 parents sharing their inappropriate kid moments from BuzzFeed Yellow. Keep your volume down if you need to and get ready to LOL.