As I eat pizza at the pizza parlor with my 2 children, I can sense that my lil guy is getting restless. He’s at level 7, and I need to get the fuck out of there before he becomes level 10. Which in mommy terms; he transforms into Godzilla, stepping on humans, eventually eating them.
Two feet from our table, a man on his lunch break tries to eat his pizza. I’m guessing he was not thrilled with my tantrum-filled children, as I’m sure he was hoping for 30 minutes of peace and quiet.
Sorry guy. Not while I’m there. Not with my two hooligans. And certainly not while we sit at a table directly behind you.
As I gather up the children and make our exit, my son lets out a high pitch screech in this gentleman’s face. Loud enough to shatter glass. The guy didn’t shudder. He just kept eating his pizza. I imagine this gentleman returned to work after he ate his pizza.
Here’s a list of things I think he may have done instead:
– Sold his home, and moved to Guatamala
– Put an ad on Craigslist to prostitute himself
– Became an Atheist
– Quit his job and became a tranny
So Mister, whoever you are, thanks. Thanks for not turning over your shoulder and giving my kids “the look”. Thanks for not turning over your shoulder and giving ME “the look”. Instead, I salute you, Guy Trying To Eat Your Pizza. For you will be the best, transvestite, Atheist-prostitute that Guatemala has ever seen.
Have you ever been given “the look” in public? Do share!
I was getting a pedicure the other day with my littlest in tow and she apparently wanted her toes done too cause she utilized her voice and expressed herself the whole time. I got some looks, the nail people talked about me in a language I couldn’t understand and some people came me the “Oh, she’s so cute” when they really wanted her to shut up. Bottom line, I DESERVED my pedi more than they did, so suck it up people. 😛
Amen to that Amy! Us Bleeping Mothers totally deserve a good pedi. Speaking of the nail place…I was getting a mani one day, as my cuticles were shredding up like Polly-O string cheese, and my lil guy was actually behaving himself with a dum-dum lollypop. The nail shop owner came over to “entertain” him and totally got him all riled up. Uhhh, thanks a lot lady??!! Then, just as my mani-lady was about to apply the polish, the owner chick takes him out of his stroller, after I told her NO. All he wanted to do was climb all over me with his sticky lolly, and now, I have to hear him screaming for the remainder of the mani so my nails could dry. WTF?