Are you riding the Roller Coaster of Motherhood? Do you want to poke your eyes out?

Here’s our Top 5 household items you can use to poke your eyes out, in style:

5: A cutlery set. A nice cutlery set can go a long way. I bet you’ve been using your forks in the kitchen to do things like eat and cook. Amateurs. Try poking your eyes out with them. We like to use a sturdy utensil like these:

4: A wet brush. I don’t brush my hair often, but when I do, I use a wet brush. Never heard of this thing? It’s amazing. It gets through tangles like nobodies business. And when I’m done, I poke myself in the eye with it. You must check it out:

3: A toothbrush. Bring dental hygiene to another level by also using it as a personal eye destroyer. When you just can’t take it anymore, use a toothbrush to drive a hole directly through your eye.

2: A unicorn. Unicorns have that super long, pointy thing on their foreheads. You should TOTALLY get yourself a unicorn to keep on hand, and use it’s pointy thing (anyone know what that’s called) to poke yourself in your eye. BONUS: use these unicorn bandaids to cover your bloody eye sockets.

1: Your finger. In a pinch, don’t underestimate your fingers. It’s not just for pointing at people to shame them, or for flipping the bird. You can also turn that finger on yourself and poke your eyes out.

What tool do you use to poke your eyes out? Tell us now on our Facebook page, or comment below.

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