Let’s talk potty training. Or potty learning.  Or getting the hell out of buying more diapers.

I’ve heard cloth diapering is an option. Now in the midst of potty training, I believe that’s what I’m doing.  Only, it’s with Elsa waving her magic wand at my daughter, telling her to “let it go” in her brand new underwear.

When I first told my mom I was going to do the 3 day, $75 method, I heard the disapproval in her voice. Like, what method of potty training would I spend $75 on?  When I told her the $75 was to clean the carpets afterwards, the face relaxed and she came to my side.  After knowing the hell I was about to embark on, I think she thought if I only spent $75, I was coming out ahead.

Potty training my daughter has not had the ease that I heard girls were. I thought girls were able to hold it longer.  I didn’t think girls would aim their pee.  Little did I know.

One of my “favorite” moments so far (and I say so far because after 6 months of this shit, she’s STILL NOT POTTY TRAINED!) include my daughter not holding it and aiming.

I had been on the treadmill, euphoric because I had finally jogged to the 4 mile mark. Before getting on the treadmill, I had my daughter pee on the toilet because I didn’t want to be interrupted on what was sure to be a long jog.

As I was finishing my jog, my daughter came to me, pride written all over her face, that she needed to show me something. I finished my jog, came to our main level and she pointed to a puddle on the floor.  “Look mom, I peed, from up there!” Imagine a slow motion looking up to see pee dripping over the top of the upstairs landing, down the wall/ceiling to the floor before.  That’s right, my daughter took her clothes off at the top of the landing, leaned against the railing to direct her pee over the landing, to waterfall to the floor below.

Mad props to her for her inventiveness? I was in desperate need of a paper towel fairy.  And a drink.  A large drink.