Children know exactly how to press our buttons. I believe that after my children go to sleep, they conspire with other toddlers via an ultra secret, ultra exclusive underground tunnel and discuss how to fuck with their parents. Because the next morning, there always seems to be an extensive, well thought out tantrum presentation. Every day, I wonder where does this come from?

These evening underground lair sessions must be pretty damn thorough. Even when they’ve exhausted ALL of their “topics” on us, they spin them in a new way. (I don’t want the red shirt! I want the blue shirt!!!). How do they do it? A great marketing plan. I think these little midnight underground romps with the toddlers of the world have a strategic, full proof plan. They know how to work it and they sit there with their dry erase boards and cafe lattes, laughing their asses off at us. They thought it all through. They know their audience. They set up all their plans, and the next morning, they attack.

I try very hard to avoid it. I try to plan ahead. But their system is very tight. My advice to you? Sleep with one eye open.

Do you believe your child is part of I.M.U.T.T.O.T.F.W.P? (International Midnight Underground Toddler Tunnel Organization To Fuck With Parents) Share your experiences now.