Oh wait, let me rephrase that. I’m just nuts. So check this…

My kids’ preschool is having their bake sale this week. And here’s me, wondering when I’ll have a moment to zip to the store to buy some baked goods.

I get it. BAKE. SALE. But like, I don’t bake. So that leaves me in sort of a weird position to come up with something that isn’t totally flaking out of the bake sale, but still allows my kids to get their hands dirty and participate. Don’t worry, their hands aren’t really dirty when they’re helping.

Last year, I forgot about the damn thing and my daughter and I whizzed out to the grocery store. We went to the pre made cookie dough in a tube section (thank you product people btw, for coming up with sugary dough in a tube so people like me could fake through a pre-school bake sale!). My daughter was set on peanut butter M&M cookies so I grabbed one and we were home in a flash. Easy peasy, right?

Well it kind of was, actually. I gave my kids spoons and a cookie sheet, set the oven, did some light monitoring and about 10 minutes later, they were in the oven (the cookies, not the kids) and I didn’t even break a sweat.

Several minutes later, the house smells amazing – who doesn’t love the smell of warm cookies through their house (probably psychopaths?)?  I realized that I had cute cellophane bags leftover from a birthday and thought they’d be perfect to package up the yummy treats. Wow, for sucking at this bake sale thing, I was becoming pretty suck-tastic!

A few moments later my cookie high became a cookie low when I realized that we might be in trouble. Did anyone pick up my one, possibly HUGE bake sale FAIL??

Peanut Butter.

We made cookies for a bake sale for hundreds of little toddlers with peanut butter in them. In a time where there’s huge issues with peanut allergies. And where snacks have to be monitored very carefully so that kids don’t have severe allergic reactions.

Awww NUTS! While it’s a bad pun, it was intended.

Moving on. So I try not to panic. I go through the list in my head of things that I could do.

List In My Head Of Things I Could Do In Lieu Of Potentially Ruining The Bake Sale:

1: I could run to the store, get different cookie dough and start the process all over again.

2: I could “forget” it was bake sale day and show up with nothing.

3: I could serve an Epipen with each cookie.

4: I could put a label on the bag that says “Contains Peanut Butter.”

I opted for the “Contains Peanut Butter” label. Looking back on it, I stand by my decision. No child was harmed and gosh darn it, I’m suck-tastic once again.

So, now I ask you…fine readers of Bleeping Motherhood. I have 2 days to prepare. What should I do/make for this year’s Bake Sale? And please, no recipes containing peanuts, shellfish or pet dander.