I’m a pretty decent failure when it comes to Halloween.  As a college co-ed, the only time I dressed up was as a nurse.  Post college, if I wasn’t a witch (because I could simply wear black and a hat), then I dressed as a banker.  Chances are, I had work that day and just didn’t care enough to dress up.

Halloween Decorations

I’m not a person that likes to be scared, so when it comes to decorating, I am more likely to go with the harvest decor than skeletons and tombstones.  Also partly because I’m lazy and don’t want to undecorate and redecorate for Thanksgiving.  It caused some chaos the first year we moved in to our current home.  The previous owners used to go all out for Halloween; tombstones, body parts coming out of the ground, the whole nine yards.  That year for trick-or-treating we got a lot of “what happened to your display” while I grumped they didn’t appreciate my mums and corn stalks.

Jack-o-lanterns?  Is it really necessary to risk the loss of limb to make an uneven face on a vegetable?  If pumpkins become required (or are given away every time you leave your house in the month of October), I generally push paint as opposed to knives as decorating accessories.

Halloween Costumes

You can guess my stance on costumes.  Yep, I’m sure not one of those moms that hand makes matching outfits.  My props to the moms that do, but, this post is about my failures, not your successes.  (Good job anyway)  There was one year I bought a costume for my sweet 6-month old (only because it was 75% off), then from there on, tried to swap with other parents for the next few years.  Once my children started having opinions, and those opinions started changing on an hourly basis, I simply waited to talk about Halloween until the hour before whatever event, and encouraged them to pick it out from their myriad of dress up clothes.  So far, they don’t realize that parents go out and buy outfits every year.  I’m hoping to keep that a secret for a while.

Halloween Activities

Frankly, I don’t see the point.  I don’t like being scared, so it isn’t fun for me.  My children have nightmares over The Trolls, so it isn’t much fun for me if they are scared, come bedtime.  Trunk or treats?  I barely put in the effort and trade cheap candy with all the other parents that bought cheap candy.  All to come home with the same amount of cheap candy, just from someone else’s harried shopping trip.  None of it I want to eat (because frankly, I don’t need any more calories), none of it I want my children to eat (based on the walls they try to bounce off of when ingesting it). If I can avoid buying it all together and then exchanging it with other parents, I’ll have more money for vodka.  That’ll actually be of service in my household then cheap candy.

Halloween Trick or Treating

And my ultimate middle finger to Halloween this year?  My kids and I won’t even be home for it.  That’s right, we’re visiting my parents in a lovely log cabin in the country.  My husband will be doling out the candy (although those little assholes in my neighborhood always empty the bowl for the 10 minutes we take our children to five houses to get their own candy) so hopefully we’ll avoid being toilet-papered.  It is the crappy cheap candy this year so we may get toilet-papered anyway.

I can’t be alone in this lack of Halloween spirit, can I?  Is there anyone else out there that has as much disdain for Halloween as I do?  And please, please, please, will my children ever want to have a Halloween party!

What are your thoughts on Halloween?  Are you a Halloween failure or Halloween winner?