Brad Mendenhall is back with us again today, talking top 5 lists.  Cue the “womp, womp”.

Things I Say Because I’m a Dad

5) Because that’s how strong Spider-Man is.

 I grew up reading comics.  An awful lot of comics.  I loved everything about them.  The crappy yet engaging art.  The clunky yet rich dialog.   The fantastic yet relatable stories.  The series called Marvel Universe was a reference guide to heroes and villains such as Captain America, Magneto, Invisible Woman and a host of others.  I read those stories and stats and remember way too much.  I know Wonder Man can press 90 tons over his head, which makes him stronger than The Thing (85 tons) but not as strong as The Hulk (over 100 tons when angry).  My son Chase is both fascinated I hold such invaluable information and incredulous as to its accuracy.  I spend too much time answering questions and then defending those answers.

4) No, you cannot marry your brother.  

Pretty much every parent of a 5 year old girl describes her as a tomboy.  Because children that age are dirt-loving hooligans.  My daughter London is the exception.  She admires herself in any reflective surface she can find and is on a never-ending quest for things cute, fluffy and sparkly.  She loves gowns and wedding dresses and desperately wants to wear them.  Because of this, she asks a lot of people to marry her.  She invites her twin brother to join her in matrimony on a daily basis.  He’s not into it.

3) You can’t have anything before you finish your popsicle.  

Why is eating a popsicle like pulling teeth for these kids?  You’d think I was serving them spotted skunk carcass on a stick.  Yes, I know there is ice cream in the freezer.  That’s for after dinner.  No, the popsicle did not go bad.  I don’t think that can happen.

2) Because your mom says so and I don’t want to get into trouble.  

My wife makes the rules.  Those rules are well-thought and just.  There is a process to making rules I am not privy to, either because they were created when I was not home or while something good was on Netflix.  If the rules set by my wife are not followed, the punishment the children receive will pale in comparison to mine.  Because we do not beat our children.  There is no such protection for me.

1) When it goes in the toilet, it is no longer food.  

Why are you following me into the bathroom?  Why isn’t that popsicle finished?  Keep your hand away from the…!  NO!  Don’t go after it!

Brad Mendenhall is the Host/Co-Founder of the Cosmic Geppetto Podcast.  Follow him on Twitter . Most important, he and his stunning wife Heather are parents to Chase, Logan and London. They are sweet, beautiful children who may also be evil.  Brad has noticed Chase silently nods his head when movie villains explain their motivations as if to say, “Y’know, this guy’s talking a lot of sense.”