By Rachel Gorton, Resident Sleep Expert

It’s Monday, at 8am and so far I have already run after my train (almost missing it), been squished in between 5,000 other people on public transportation, and sent my child to school without his lunch.  

Sound familiar?

Naturally, as most weeks go, Monday has made it’s grand entrance.

Do you ever just sit back and think about what life was like before children? When your weekend looked something like this…

10am ish wake up

12pm lay by the pool

1pm Lunch with friends

3pm Gym

4pm Happy Hour and on it goes…

Ah the days when bronzed skin and waking up before noon were my actual life goals.  These days I’m more like a lunch making, Uber driver machine.

Seriously, having kids in school is a part time job at a minimum. It’s enough trying to get yourself dressed and presentable.  On top of that trying to get a little human who is half asleep and grumpy to get out the door; it is no small feat.   

Ending Monday Madness

There is another trend I see in the beginning of the week…the influx of client inquiries from desperate, exhausted parents.

Over the weekend often bedtimes go out the window, sleepovers happen, parties are attended, and there is just too much fun to be had to try and stick to a regular sleep schedule. 

I get it.  

But then Monday always shows it’s face, and the realization sets in that sleep is actually important and needed for your child to function normally.

Listen, I used to send my child to school on Mondays looking hungover and sloppy, I’m not judging.  

Lucky for you I was recently inspired to start a series around how we can end the Monday madness.

For some reason, many of us have a hard time making the connection between lack of sleep and  lack of motivation. We are tired, our children are tired, everyone is tired.  And all we want to do is stay in bed and eat bon bons. But for the majority of us, this is not an option.

So read on, because I am on a mission to shift the way Monday mornings are happening in our households!

The Monday Shift

Sometimes we are part of the problem, sometimes not.  But either way, it is important to look at our piece in the puzzle.

First, I want to lay out some sleep truths that are important to recognize if you want to improve your family’s habits…

#1 Your child is not the first human in the world who doesn’t sleep. 

I know I know, I don’t know YOUR child, but trust me on this, even though it may not feel like it, I promise you there isn’t a person on this planet who literally gets no sleep.

Even your child.

Sleep is a natural cycle of our bodies, just as is eating food or drinking water. Our bodies know that the only way to restore is by sleeping. I can’t tell you how often I hear this phrase…

“My child just functions without sleep, he doesn’t need it”.

Nope sorry. EVERY child needs sleep and is not functioning at their full capacity without enough of it.

Of course children would rather stay up and play instead of going to bed.  But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t NEED it.

#2 In order for everyone in your household to get the necessary sleep you need, it must become a priority.

Often we want to find the magical solution to improve sleep, yet we are not willing to take the steps to get there. Many of us think that there is something wrong with us or our child because of the challenges with sleep, or worse you start to compare yourself to others.

Stop it, stop it, stop it!

Look at it this way. When you decide you want to lose weight what is the first thing you do?

Typically, you are forced to look at your eating and exercise habits.

Are you exercising enough? Are you eating well most of the time? Are you eating often enough, and recognizing which foods your body reacts positively and negatively to?

Contrary to what you might read or hear, diet and exercise plans are NOT one size fits all. You and a health professional should take a good look at the foundations of your eating and exercise patterns and where improvements need to be made in order to reach your goal.

Sleep habits are no different. If you know that you allow your child to go to bed way past his bedtime or your child’s sleep patterns are inconsistent, there is going to be little progress made if these foundational issues are not addressed.

You wouldn’t expect to lose weight if you don’t change your negative eating habits. So make sure you are ready to implement needed changes and are open to further assessing the underlying causes of your child’s negative sleep habits.

This includes EVERYONE in the household being on board with positive sleep. If your partner doesn’t feel there is a problem or need for change, it is going to be very difficult to see any progress.

#3 Your emotional well-being is a huge part of healthy sleep.  

As a Mom I know how easy it is to become stressed and overwhelmed.  Parents have a million things on their plates at all times, and I think we all have the feeling from time to time that we are screwing it all up.  

It’s unrealistic for me to tell you not to ever become stressed.  What is important though, is that you realize the need to meet you and your child’s emotional needs.

Have you noticed that your child wishes you paid more attention to them?  How often does your child cry when you leave the room, or actually follow you?

I mean I can barely go to the bathroom by myself and I know I’m not the only one who experiences this!

Our children have a need for connection and they need our un-divided attention.  At least for a portion during the day.

If our children are emotional secure throughout the day, the likelihood that they are able to go down for sleep independently is much higher!  

#4 An alarming amount of children have bedtimes that are way too late.  

As your child develops, she will start to develop a 24 hour sleep cycle based on previous sleep habits.  This usually happens around one and a half or two years old.

If your family generally goes to sleep later, chances are your child’s bedtime follows the household’s habits. Your child might have a regular habit of falling asleep later depending on what time has been set for bed for the first few years of life. By this age, her circadian rhythm has started to develop and it will be more difficult to change this sleep cycle.

An appropriate bedtime for children under 12 is between 730 and 9pm. If your child is being put down for bed later than 9pm, and is having difficulty sleeping, chances are the sleep window is being missed, thus leading to a “second wind” of energy that is difficult to wind down from. Your young child still needs at least 11-13 hours of sleep per night, especially if she is in school. And I’m willing to bet if your kiddo is going to bed late, she isn’t the easiest to wake up in the morning, nor in the best of moods.

So if this is your situation are you totally doomed and stuck with this crappy sleep cycle forever? The good news is NO; the bad news is it WILL take a good amount of time for your child to start adapting to a different sleep cycle (i.e. an earlier bedtime). Try moving up bedtime earlier and earlier each night. Gradually moving towards an earlier bedtime will help your child adapt at a comfortable pace and likely lead to success.

So what does this have to do with Mondays at all?

Great question!

By putting these foundations in place you are on the road to better sleep throughout the week.  Once you start to take a look at your family’s sleep habits, ask yourself some questions…

Are we making sleep a priority?

Do our children go to bed too late?

Are we trying to meet our family’s emotional needs?

Answer these truthfully and you are ready to move on to action!

#1 Don’t completely de-rail on the weekends

Yes there are activities, and birthday parties, and visitors.  But keeping your child’s bedtime in place doesn’t mean you have to miss all of the fun!

If you want to have a happy and well-rested family you must make sacrifices to get there!  This means sometimes leaving the party early or saying no to activities that creep into bedtime.

#2 Practice the 80/20 rule

Because it’s just like exercising and getting healthy!  80% of the time be on point and 20% cut yourself some slack.

This DOESN’T mean though, that your “cheat” day should be both weekend days.  If your family went to bed late on Friday night, then it’s back to the routine on Saturday.  

You can’t lose weight with three cheat days a week.  

Same concept.

#3 Prepare for the morning as much as possible.

Consider it your meal prep for the week.

We have learned in my family that if we don’t prepare the night before, it’s not happening.

Laying out clothes, packing lunches, and simply creating a routine have helped our mornings run much smoother.  

The best part about this is that I get to sleep in 30 minutes later!  

Like anything this takes practice and time to form the habit.  I promise it will change your life though!

There you have it.  Identify your challenges, lay the foundation, and get to work!

Mondays don’t have to suck, or any day for that matter.  And as long as you are losing sleep, they will.

Sleep is just as important as water or food and by making some small changes you can move towards being a healthy and rested family.

You are strong and determined and you have been blessed with the job of being a parent and I promise this will change your life!

It starts with you and identifying the issues that are present and deciding to make a change to reach your goals!

See you Monday morning!