It’s 11:15am, Friday morning. I’m getting some work done and perk up to realize I have a conference call in 15 minutes.

Both kids are playing really well and quietly in the next room, and if they can just do me this one solid of being cool for another 30-40 minutes, I’d be eternally grateful.

But. Fuck. Where’s my cellphone? Shit, it’s in a room, next to the room where the kids are. I hate doing this. It’s so risky. But I have no choice. I need my phone. I must approach the child occupied arena undetected.

ACTIVATE STEALTH MOM MODE. I transform into an awesome stealth superhero wearing a fitted black outfit with my hair in an amazing slicked back pony. And by that, I mean pajamas and a floppy hair bun that could use some adjusting.

I take a deep breath and extend my stealth senses to hear, see and smell what is going on in the next room. Things still seem cool. So I start tip toeing over to the nearest wall. I attach myself to the wall. I become the wall. I inch myself closer and closer to the room that is holding my cellphone captive. I start pointing with two fingers in various directions, as if to give my special ops team the go ahead to move in, and stay low. Except I have no special ops team, and I just look like a fucking looney tune.

Now, I am just outside the playroom. I do a quick peek in, and wait to see if I was discovered. I’m in the clear. Hell yea. I move quickly looking straight ahead. No eye contact can be made. Or I’m fucking done. Keep going, keep going. I’m in. I retrieve the cellphone. Without hesitating, I walk back past the playroom without being discovered.

Mission accomplished. It’s 11:25. I sit at my desk, and take a few moments to prepare for my conference call. I’m dialing into the call….

Oh. And here come the kids. Right on cue. Screaming. Wildly.