Top 5 Worst Kid’s Birthday Party Themes (Or Best, based on your location and whether or not you have shit for brains):
5: Rabid Dog Party –
I hope you wore your party hat. And got your rabies shot. Because we’re heading down to the animal shelter to celebrate with all the infected dogs and cats.
4: Taxidermy/Hillbilly […]
Top 5 deleted scenes from your favorite Disney Princess movies:
5: Right after Jasmine decides she wants to marry Aladdin, she tries on over a dozen push up bras, but can’t seem to find the right fit.
4: Once Aurora is pricked with the spinning wheel, she rebels and starts having sex with animals.
3: Flynn convinces Rapunzel […]
5: Babies R Us
As a new mom, Babies R Us was my go to, and I’d buy my diapers there, and run there when I needed baby supplies because they gave you those stupid fricken coupons…you know the ones that are totally useless for diapers and not valid until March 14, 2045? Yeah, I don’t […]
Top 5 “gently used” items that someone would definitely buy from you on Craigslist for $5. (You’d be surprised)
5: A Pregnancy Test
4: Diapers
3: Rectal Thermometer
2: Ginger (your recently deceased goldfish)
1: Your Neighbor’s Swedish Nanny
What is the oddest thing you ever bought on Craigslist?
Top 5 Things I’d prefer to do in lieu of dealing with Common Core
5: Make out with a dog
Dog saliva has healing properties so heck, why not?
4: Go to second base with a dog for 5 seconds
I might do this anyway.
3: Get a transvaginal mesh implant
I don’t even know what the fuck a transvaginal mesh […]
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