I recently weened my 18 month son from breastfeeding, cold turkey.
He took it better than I expected. Especially since he was attached to the nip.
I, on the other hand was severely engorged and in a lot of pain. I don’t want to hear about all the things I could have, or should have done to […]
I’m on the Internet with my daughter nearby. I’m googling and scrolling about and I hear her say, “That’s my daddy.” And I look and there’s no picture of her daddy anywhere. So I ask her to point. And she points to a picture of this gentleman, pictured below.
So I’m like, really? First of all, […]
The ice cream truck is back in action and is circling my neighborhood. I fucking hate the ice cream truck, and the man driving it. The second my daughter hears the ice cream truck chimes, she starts going into some sort of toddler rage, like the Hulk. Her face becomes a different color, her clothes […]
It’s 11:15am, Friday morning. I’m getting some work done and perk up to realize I have a conference call in 15 minutes.
Both kids are playing really well and quietly in the next room, and if they can just do me this one solid of being cool for another 30-40 minutes, I’d be eternally grateful.
But. Fuck. […]
My DH makes pancakes for the kids on the weekends. And he will make heart shaped pancakes for my daughter and she adores him for it. During the week, I don’t have time for that shit. My kids will get frozen waffles and black bananas. Well one morning, I realized that I was out of […]
When I’m in the grocery store with the kids, other shoppers sometimes make small talk with us. All over the store, I’m chatting and smiling while people wave and make mindless chit chat with me, on account of my adorable fucking children. If I’m in the store by myself might I add, people don’t give […]
Children know exactly how to press our buttons. I believe that after my children go to sleep, they conspire with other toddlers via an ultra secret, ultra exclusive underground tunnel and discuss how to fuck with their parents. Because the next morning, there always seems to be an extensive, well thought out tantrum presentation. Every […]
I don’t know what it is about the show “Chopped”, but I fucking love it. Maybe it’s the randomness of the basket contents, or how the chefs are forced to make a reduction out of watermelon Kool Aid, but I’m in.
I sometimes wonder if they have babies and small children putting the basket contents together. […]
As I eat pizza at the pizza parlor with my 2 children, I can sense that my lil guy is getting restless. He’s at level 7, and I need to get the fuck out of there before he becomes level 10. Which in mommy terms; he transforms into Godzilla, stepping on humans, eventually eating them.
Two […]
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