Let’s talk road trips.  Having just recently survived a 12 hour road trip to celebrate Easter with family, I have a lot of thoughts about this.

First off – don’t.  Maybe cut that part of the family off.  If they decided to live 12 hours away from you, maybe they are telling you something.

Secondly, this is a definite exception to the rule,  you sleep when they sleep.  No, no.  In cases of road trips, you get as many miles as you can to your destination during any single opportunity of snoozing to try to reduce the hours of crying while they are awake.  Or screaming.  Or singing, The Wheels On The Bus on repeat.

Electronics Will Solve Road Trips

Certainly, try electronics.  Give it your best shot.  Let me know how many times you can stand hearing the Little Einsteins travel the world until you want the countdown to end in Rocket having a fiery crash.  So far, there has been no amount of electronics available in a car that can keep my six year old from asking, “are we there yet” more times per hour than I pass a slow moving trucker in the fast lane.

Special Car Toys

Maybe my children are unique, maybe my car has a secret black hole, but new toys do not last on car trips.  A new set of color wonder markers with a fresh new book of coloring will have dried out markers and food stained papers by our first rest stop.  Before I’ve even opened the car door, all six marker caps are gone in the mystical abyss of the back seat.

Feed The Savage Beast

We always try to travel during meal times.  That just makes sense.  At home, It can take upwards of 40 minutes to finish a plateful of chicken nuggets and a bunch of grapes.  But on a road trip, that is gone in moments, following with the never-ending whine of “I’m hungry”.  My mom used to “pack” the car full of food so we could eat our way out.  I tried that and our kids were ready for the bathroom the first hour in.  Because they devoured everything in sight.  Maybe that’s what happened to the marker caps.

Finally, FINALLY, you’ve arrived at your destination.  Your ears are nearly bleeding for the verbal abuse you’ve taken from your children over the last several hours.  We won’t even question if you and your co-pilot are still speaking.  You can finally relax, right?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Guess who has been sitting for the last 12 hours and now is ready to burn off some energy.

I’m sorry momma.  I feel for you.  This is the time to break out the emergency vodka and pour it in your coffee cup.  Good luck.