We’re avid Christmas celebrators here, I sure love the traditions.  I’m known for being the mom that gets her Christmas cards mailed just before Thanksgiving so they arrive just after.  I spend the whole month preparing for that one day.  And I love it.  But there is one tradition I’ll skip; Elf on the Shelf.  Here’s why:

In all honesty, we did try it one year.  My oldest was probably one and a half.  We didn’t have a lot of money because I had quit my job to stay home with my son.  My husband had made a Santa as a child that his mother kept and we inherited it, so I used that as our “elf”.  It was a gigantic pain in the ass to remember to move that annoying little shit every night.  Luckily, my son really didn’t remember it.

The next year, I pulled it back out again like a gigantic dumb ass.  I didn’t know when to quit.  Instead of an elf on the shelf, I called it a kindness elf that would tell Santa about all the good things they did.  It was still a gigantic pain in the ass.  I grew to hate not only that Santa, but the idea of it.

I’m not a big Santa pusher.  I don’t try to threaten my kids by being good otherwise Santa won’t give them presents.  I’ve seen my kids breakdown in tears screaming, “I’ll be good!  I’ll be good!”  when we’re leaving a function because I didn’t pick up on their tell-tale signs that they’ve had too much and we should have left two hours ago.  That broke my heart that they thought they weren’t good (and I immediately set their mind at ease that they are good and we’re leaving because its too much for all of us).

I have tried various threats over my time as a mother, and most of them have never worked, so I can’t believe that Santa will.  I stick to sincere promises (I will drive over  XXXX multiple times if you two don’t stop fighting over it).

In the spirit of camaraderie, I’ll spend this week trying to help anyone that wants to kick the elf habit.  And, if you still want to be tortured by it in some misattributed guilt, I’ll be here to help for ideas or excuses on why that crazy little shit didn’t move last night.  In the meantime, tell us about anytime your Elf, whether kind or not, made your Christmas better.  And if there’s no comments, we’ll all know why.