One of our favorite dads, Brad, is back, giving his perspective on back to school.  And starting his youngest twins in Kindergarten.  

We stood in front of the school holding hands with the kids.  Chase ready to start second grade.  Our twins Logan and London about to embark on their Kindergarten Adventure.  My wife Heather and I put on our bravest faces.  I kneeled to give a speech letting them know they are loved and we are proud of them and to be good to their teachers.

“Guys,” I said, “I want you to…Hey!  Where are you going?”

They were already in the school.  Chase saw his friends.  London always follows Chase.  Logan saw a pretty girl.  Or possibly a girl’s pretty mom.  He likes them mature.

Once School Starts

I turned to Heather.  She has been a stay at home mom for five years.  There hasn’t been a waking moment during that time not dedicated to making sure the kids are happy and safe.  “What do you want to do?” I ask.

“I want a donut.”

We go to Dunkin Donuts because we are not fancy people.  I took the day off from work to offer support because this has to be hard for Heather.  Halfway there, something fun happens.

We start swearing.  A lot.

Heather and I do our best to keep the language G-Rated.  We slip up, but generally do a good job.  Things we say to avoid bad words include “Tough Tooties,” “Monkey Farmer” and, my personal favorite, “Sam Hill.”

But the kids aren’t in the car.  They are all in school.  And we can talk like adults.  First, we pepper our talk with salty language.  Then we talk about adult stuff.  Gossip from the office or the neighborhood.  Or perhaps something saucy on TV.

Heather has strong opinions about the Corrine Situation on Bachelor In Paradise.

Donuts turns into a trip to Home Depot.  It’s amazing how effective we are without The Trio demanding separate shopping carts (“The one shaped like a race car, Daddy!”).  We order the replacement part for the storm door.  In a few short weeks, it’ll close on its own again.

Home Depot turns into lunch.  It’s a table for two.  As we sit down, we know the area won’t look like a war zone when we leave.

Lunch turns into a walk on a local trail.  For the first time in years, no one demands to ride on my shoulders.  Heather doesn’t ask once.

It’s magical.  Heather and I hold hands and laugh and it reminds me that while I love her because she is an amazing mom and a great partner in keeping this family together, she is also the love of my life.

When The School Bell Rings

We start to get edgy in the afternoon.  We both check our phones to make sure the teachers haven’t had trouble with the kids.  

Logan sometimes gets upset using public bathrooms, especially ones with automatic flush or hand dryers.  

Chase has a classmate he didn’t get along with last year.  Bullying is too strong a term to describe what went on, but we keep an eye on the situation.

And we’re worried London will start some sort of political coup.  She has the personality of a despotic warlord.

It leads us to standing in front of the school again.  We could have had the bus drop them at home, but it is a first day of school treat.  They run to us with arms open.

That is a lie.  They run to Heather with arms open.  That’s okay.  I also like her more than me.

We load up into the van and get ice cream.  Before dinner!  Because I am too easy.

Later, when the kids are in bed and Heather is emailing the teachers to check if there was anything to report while letting them know we aren’t helicopter parents (Honest!), I walk the dog.  As I always do when leading our Golden Retriever around the neighborhood, I have the earbuds in.  The Lou Reed song Perfect Day plays.

It is a fitting end to the day.  A reminder that I have an amazing wife and amazing kids and an amazing life.

Then I remember the song is about heroin addiction.  

Oh well.  It wouldn’t be my world if it wasn’t just a little weird.

Brad Mendenhall is the Host & Cofounder of the Cosmic Geppetto Podcast, a Pop Culture Show talking about Movies, Music, Book & Everything Else Cool.  Find out more at www.CosmicGeppetto.com.  He is the father of Chase, Logan & London.  Brad wonders if his beautiful wife Heather thought through Chase taking karate lessons.  It’s a matter of time before the little guy takes out his dad with a nerve pinch.