Ever since the movie Bad Moms came out, Bad Moms have been coming out.  Raising their hand and saying, “yup, that’s me!”.  With all the “Bad Moms” standing up, does that stereotypical perfect mom even exist?  Well, not over here it doesn’t.

So what if we end the charade of perfect mommyhood and perfect parenthood, starting with the baby shower.  It seems that baby showers are just setting moms up for disappoint and guilt.  Baby books that barely get finished (if touched).  Adorable clothes that get pooped through.  “The Perfect” baby toy that gets mostly thrown out of sight.

Instead of having that fru-fru baby shower with chevron print and the cake pops and the decorated onesies, let’s have a baby shower that truly introduces about to be moms to the shit storm that is about to be their life.

Bad Mom Baby Shower

Location 

The baby shower industry has made you think you have to do it in a fancy beautiful place.  Because that’s realistic to what being a mom is going to be like.  Do it at your house, when you’ve barely had a chance to clean and the kids have been home all week.  Make it feel real.  Make it feel authentic.  She’ll start to acclimate quicker.

Decorations

If your kids haven’t left a ton of shit around the house already, say no to decorations that won’t get utilized at the end of the party.  Everything should be useful to the mom (or made your life easier because your kids already “decorated”).  As guests arrive, give them a diaper to write funny sayings on, then hang those around the room.  The dirtier the better (watch out – Aunt Esther!).  Duel purpose – once the shower is over, collect them and when the mom is changing her 3rd diaper that hour, she’ll good a get laugh when she sees someone wrote on it, “Have you seen that new movie Constipated?  It’s not come out yet.”

Food and drink 

Anything that the mom can eat and that’s freezable for her to have available after the baby is born.  Knock off those tea sandwiches and avocado pasta salads.  Make a smart, healthy, freezable, chicken dish that you can package up at the end of the party and throw in her freezer.  It doesn’t have to taste good, it doesn’t have to taste, she’ll be grateful to have that shit cooked and in her mouth between feedings.  Also, grab the food scraps leftover from everyone’s plates.  Serve it up to her on a large platter and say, “welcome to the next several years”.  As for drinks – the more the merrier.  This is where the majority of your budget should be spent.  Alcohol doesn’t go bad, and if you feel it necessary, you can send home any leftovers with the mom-to-be.  Or not.  Because, well, you already have kids.  You need it too.

Games

This is obvious – Bleeping Motherhood’s Would You Rather: Pregnancy, Baby & Beyond.  Before the mom arrives, pass the book around for guests to sign, write words of advice or inspiration.  In private, ask the soon to be mom to answer about 10 of the questions.  Pass out paper and writing utensils to the guests, and when the soon to be mom is opening a huge bag of individually wrapped onesies and socks, shout out a Would You Rather question and have the guests write the answer.  Once you’ve shouted out all the answers, have the guests tally up and award the winner a gift.  We suggest our first book, Bleeping Motherhood’s Would You Rather book of hilarious questions.  Then send the mommy-to-be home with the book for those extended breast feeding session or moments when the baby won’t nap alone.  She’ll need the funny.

Favors

Why do we do this anyway?  Nobody ever wants this shit and everyone insists that they will provide favors that everyone will use.  I’m going to pull an idea from my wedding – put up a big sign and say, “In lieu of favors, we have donated a gift card to XXXX from her favorite liquor store, in all of our names.  No useless gift you’ll be guilted to take home.  You are welcome.”  Unless it is good chocolate.  Everyone likes chocolate (and not crappy, waxy chocolate – if you are doing that, go back to the liquor store gift card idea).

Let’s nip this expected perfection and mom guilt in the bud.  We can stop it at the very beginning.  At the baby shower.

What else would you add to our Bad Mom Baby Shower?  Tell us by commenting below!