Weekly Tip – Towel Up
Here’s one simple trick that will get your feet rubbed, and maybe even earn you a couple minutes to yourself.
Put a dish towel over your shoulder just before your husband walks in the door. Not only will you look like you have been multi tasking for hours, it adds to the “abused mom” character. (See […]
One Nipple
There’s just something about The Count saying, “nipple”
Top 5 – Kid Birthday Party Edition
Top 5 Worst Kid’s Birthday Party Themes (Or Best, based on your location and whether or not you have shit for brains):
5: Rabid Dog Party –
I hope you wore your party hat. And got your rabies shot. Because we’re heading down to the animal shelter to celebrate with all the infected dogs and cats.
4: Taxidermy/Hillbilly […]
Fucking Pancakes
My DH makes pancakes for the kids on the weekends. And he will make heart shaped pancakes for my daughter and she adores him for it. During the week, I don’t have time for that shit. My kids will get frozen waffles and black bananas. Well one morning, I realized that I was out of […]
Hard On Kids
Shut The Bleep Up
People say dumb shit. People love peppering you with questions about how you raise your kids. Here’s a list of dumb questions, and here’s the responses that you should give:
Them: Oohhh, you didn’t get the flu shot???
You: No. (then proceed to cough in their face).
Them: Do you buy organic?
You: Nope. I like to poison my […]
Two of our faves, Zach and Will
Top 5 – Disney Princess Edition
Top 5 deleted scenes from your favorite Disney Princess movies:
5: Right after Jasmine decides she wants to marry Aladdin, she tries on over a dozen push up bras, but can’t seem to find the right fit.
4: Once Aurora is pricked with the spinning wheel, she rebels and starts having sex with animals.
3: Flynn convinces Rapunzel […]
Don’t Fuck With Me While Shopping
When I’m in the grocery store with the kids, other shoppers sometimes make small talk with us. All over the store, I’m chatting and smiling while people wave and make mindless chit chat with me, on account of my adorable fucking children. If I’m in the store by myself might I add, people don’t give […]
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