Weekly Tip – Where Does The Bleeping Time Go?
As I’m sure you do, I sometimes get down about how fast my firstborn is growing up.
Here’s a quick fix that works for me every time.
I swaddle her (my almost 4 year old) like a newborn and put an ill fitted bonnet on her head. Then, I feel better.
For the Footloose Fans
Top 5 – Toddler Phrases Edition
Top 5 phrases that would sound great coming out a toddler’s mouth:
5 – Shotgun!
4 – A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
3 – Manicure, pedicure, eyebrows please.
2 – Smack it up, flip it. Rub it down, oooohhh.
1 – Have you seen Kim K’s ass lately?
The Bleeping Ice Cream Man
The ice cream truck is back in action and is circling my neighborhood. I fucking hate the ice cream truck, and the man driving it. The second my daughter hears the ice cream truck chimes, she starts going into some sort of toddler rage, like the Hulk. Her face becomes a different color, her clothes […]
Weekly Tip – Cheese Slices
Don’t bother opening that cheese slice.
Assuming your little one did want you to open it, you probably won’t open it right. You will probably, in his or her eyes, open it upside down, too much from one end or the other.
Then it is ruined.
Forever.
If you do happen to open it just right, chances are he […]
Quite inconsequential
Top 5 – Aging Edition
As if having kids doesn’t make you feel tired, old and useless. Let’s face it, some days we’ve got one foot in the retirement home door. Here’s a few more signs that you’re becoming more tired, more old and more useless:
5 – You purchase “The Clapper”. And you love it.
4 – You eat a Werther’s […]
Danger Zone
It’s 11:15am, Friday morning. I’m getting some work done and perk up to realize I have a conference call in 15 minutes.
Both kids are playing really well and quietly in the next room, and if they can just do me this one solid of being cool for another 30-40 minutes, I’d be eternally grateful.
But. Fuck. […]
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