We popped our Kennebunkport, Maine cherry!

This year my husband and I celebrated our 10-year wedding anniversary with a trip to Kennebunkport, Maine. Neither of us ever visited there, but we sure are glad we gave it a go. “How the heck did we end up there”, you ask?

What a great question. I like you already.

My husband and I both love sitting on a beach and/or pool area and drinking lots of alcohol until either A, we get mouthy with someone and have to relocate, or B, one of us gets blackout drunk. What usually happens is that we get too sun burned to care, and both A and B eventually catch up with us.

With two small children at home, we haven’t been able to enjoy doing this type of vacation in a long while. You know, the footloose, fancy free kind. So, we started looking into the Florida Keys. But as we started planning, a huge hurricane swept in and effed up those plans on us. We were thankful to not have booked any flights or rooms and decided to make our plans elsewhere.

Determined to make our 10-year a special one, I started doing some research. Super lazy research. So basically, I Googled “romantic getaways on the East Coast.” Well, first I typed in “romantic getaways on the Eat Coats”. Good thing Google figured it out, or I’d be talking here in length about how I spent my Anniversary getting coats surgically removed from my stomach.

We looked at Rhode Island, Massachusetts and a few others and ended up booking a lovely little bed and breakfast called Captain Lord’s Mansion in Maine. I know nothing about B & Bs nor did I care. The clock was ticking and if I didn’t book something, like now, I would be sitting in my house on my Anniversary. I was just gonna wing-it.

I already had my sister, who my kid’s call “Yaya” driving down from upstate to watch them for our 3-day great escape. I knew I just needed to pack a few things and we’d be ready to roll.

I didn’t care much about planning anything else. I didn’t want to do anything but just get there and do nothing but sit by the beach, have drinks, and possibly eat a bunch of lobster.

So, what did we do in Kennebunkport, Maine?

1: Speed dated other couples over breakfast…3 days in a row.

If you never stayed at a B & B, one of the “charming” things about them is that breakfast is served at a certain time in the morning and you eat breakfast in a secluded dining space with all of the other guests. So, it’s a bit…what’s the word. AWKWARD! Especially when you’re tired, a tad hungover and just want to sip coffee and eat food. At B & Bs, you get to play “where are you from” and “what brings you here”, with like 7 other couples. For your entire breakfast. It took a little getting used to on Day 1. But by Day 2, we were old pros. We were shooting out questions and answers like returning champions on Jeopardy. I think I may have even answered a few in the form of a question. Captain Lord’s Mansion, game on! P.S. We had an amazing stay here, and would highly recommend it.

Captain Lord’s Mansion, Kennebunkport, Maine.

2: Nicknamed our bellboy “Daniel Son”, and lightly harassed him.

After getting up at 5 a.m. to drive 5 hours, we were pretty freaking wired. Our check in was not until 3 p.m., so when we arrived, we walked around the town of Kennebunk and had a few drinks. Anywhere from beer, to bloody Mary’s, to lemonade vodkas. So, when it was check in time, we met our “bellboy” Daniel. For whatever reason, we felt the need to call him “Daniel Son”. This was his name for the duration of our trip. We immensely enjoyed yelling out “Daniel Son” every time we saw him around the property. This poor kid was probably 15 years old, and seemed new. So, we couldn’t help but put him through the rigors of Turbo & Audrey. Trust me, we didn’t haze this boy nearly as much as we could have. We did ask him for a bucket of ice and he nearly had a panic attack. I told him it was okay, and he could leave the room.

This is a photo of us on our first night in Kennebunkport, Maine. Photo credit: “Daniel Son”

3: Went to Portland.

How can I describe Portland, Maine?

If Manhattan is an old angry man trying to send back soup at a deli (where my Seinfeld peeps at?) Portland was like a sweet old, adorable 90-year woman offering me hot cocoa with little marshmallows in it. Like Betty White. Yes, we can call Portland, Betty White-like.

Portland is darling. It’s super quiet, clean, and charming. People are SO nice and there’s not really any deliberate way of directing traffic. No streetlights, no stop signs. (We did see a few). But mostly, cars and people came and went with no issues. Everyone was waving each other on, and the streets seemed like a happy, little, well-oiled machine. I kept waiting for a Godzilla-sized child to reach down from the sky and pluck us up out of this “toy” that he was playing. Nope, this was Portland.

Us walking the streets on our Anniversary in Portland.

4: Went to an AMAZING mixology bar in Portland.

My husband’s co-worker gave us some tips and places to go in Portland. He called one bar “a must-do”, and also labeled it “one of the best in the country”. As we mapped out where this “must-do” place was on the Portland map, we stumbled upon it within minutes. Excited, we rolled up to the storefront, only to find that it was…CLOSED?! It didn’t open until 2 p.m. A little bummed, we peeked through the windows and couldn’t help but wonder, what in the world is making this place so damn special. This is one of the best in the country? I wondered, had his co-worker been to at least one other bar, anywhere in the world to make this claim? Needless to say, we left not feeling terribly impressed. We passed the time at another little bar while having a beer and playing Cards Against Humanity. The time came, and we hobbled back over to Vena’s Fizz House. Let me tell you. From the décor, the vibe, the owners and the drinks. This place was special. Long story short, the owner got a pink slip from teaching and went on to find his burning passion for bitters. Yup, that’s right. Bitters. He became like a bitter’s scientist if you will and started a business with his wife that is his life’s dream come to fruition. He makes THE most amazing Bloody Mary and Lavender Lemonade Vodka drinks. We could have taste tested there for the next 5 hours, but we like you know, need our livers. So we had to leave. The best thing about these drinks was the layers of flavor that you receive with each sip. There was definitely a load of alcohol, but the drink didn’t scream it. Also, something I had never seen before, he served our drinks with stainless steel straws. No plastic BS. It was a really full, cool, worth the wait experience that we highly recommend. CNN was there shooting the week we were there…so you might catch a digital segment on them in the coming weeks.

BTW, if you want to grab your own stainless straws, you can grab them here.

Assortment of Bitters on display at Vena’s Fizz House, next to a sucked down Lavender Lemonade and Vodka.

5: Got my toes painted by the same girl who did Barbara Bush’s hair.

Now, if I tell you that this was one of the huge highlights of my trip, I would not be joking.

Okay, of course, spending time alone with my husband was great, blah blah blah. But seriously, I felt really special when the girl doing my pedicure told me that she had done Mrs. Bush’s hair a couple of weeks ago. As the girl who once touched a Bush, was now scrubbing the bottom of my feet, I felt shocked and excited and well, a bit patriotic. I asked if Mrs. Bush came in with secret service and she said, “well the first time yes..”. Wait. She did her hair twice? Oh man. This just got serious. So the first time she came in, she had the secret service, the second time, she did not. I guess once Barbara Bush has and likes your wash and set, there’s no more need to come in with protection.

I bet after I left, she called Barbara and said, “do you know who’s toes I just did? Bleeping Audrey’s.”